A Small Confession

What I find the most difficult about starting a new relationship is how quickly I lose myself in another person. I find myself yearning for their company at times I would be content being alone.  My heart craves their proximity to be within eye shot so we could share a smile or a kiss if only for a moment. I'm not sure if this is a weakness or insecurity of mine, or just the natural response of human emotion. In all honesty I find women to be intoxicating and overwhelming. They are a drug I struggle to handle. I had been single for quiet a while before the most recent woman in my life (4 years). After my last relationship ended, in the summer of 2009 I vowed not to get into a relationship again for at least a year. Here it is in the winter of 2013 and I'm in the fledgling stages of a romance with a woman 10 years younger than me. I'm not sure where it's going or if it'll turn into something long term. I feel like I'm wary of revealing my insecurities, wary of making the wrong moves, I'm not worried about losing what we have, I'm moreso being cautious about sculpting it into something more. We'd like to think that when we sincerely like someone there's no game to be played, but that's simply not true. The nature of human interaction is always a game of sorts. It's about timing and knowing when and how to play your hand. It's a game of chess where you make sacrifices and it pays to think moves ahead.